Republicans Celibate Labor Day Weekend

Good thing working people have the Republican Party looking out for them, as demonstrated by recent speeches and the Republican Party Platform.

Working people, defined as the people who don't have the initative to inherit wealth or the personality to risk what little they have on starting a small (let's be honest quantum-microscopic) business, need jobs to go to. They need bosses, and they need rich people to invest their money in setting up bosses in businesses.
The lack of jobs in America can be directly attributed to government regulations and the fact that rich people are not rich enough.

The Republican Party already controls the Supreme Court and House of Representatives. If you just vote for their candidates they can control the Senate and the Presidency, then no one can stop their job creation program.

First, they are going to lower the minimum wage, maybe even abolish it if they can get the support of moderate Republican politicians. Then retail chains and other minimum wage employers will be able to hire twice as many hamburger flippers and check-out clerks to serve you, without increasing their budgets. Or better still, since they already have an adequate number of workers, they can pay them a lot less and make a lot more profit. Which is good for working people because it will make rich people richer, which will create more jobs.

Then, they are going to deregulate the healthcare system. This is the main reason I am voting Republican this year. This will create a lot of jobs because you will not longer need to go to medical school to become a doctor, or to nursing school to become a nurse, or to junior college to become a licensed technician. I have my shingle ready to hang out the moment the law is changed. I am stocking up on herbal remedies and aspirin dyed to look like real drugs and hope to do a good business. I will cure the sick for much less than one of those government-licensed doctors. And who needs the Food and Drug Administration when we've got Free Markets to deliver quality food and drugs?

Which is a good thing for the elderly people near my future office in Point Arena, California, because the Republicans are going to Save Medicare. They are going to do this by privatizing it. So seniors will get vouchers to buy medical insurance. I have already told my Republican friends who own medical insurance companies how much money I can save them with their future Republican Care policy holders. They are keen on Hope and Real Change, in particular deregulation allowing me to kickback some of my income stream to them. Which will make the rich richer, which will create more jobs.

The Bush Tax cuts to the Rich will stay in place. Workers of the world, cheer! This will make the rich richer, which will create jobs. It will also mean less government safety net types of stuff, which will encourage you to take three of four new jobs to make ends meet.

Paul Ryan is a particular favorite of mine. He has a lot of experience in private industry: he mowed lawns for neighbors when he was a teenager. After that he went into government and stayed there for decades, reading Ayn Rand novels and fighting to get high profit margins for military contractors so they could create jobs for you and me.

The list of Republican reforms that will help working people is much longer, dear blog readers, but I know you don't want me to get into wonky details. But there is one more important reform we can look forward to with eager anticipation.

No Inheritance Tax! This is even cooler than eliminating the Capital Gains Tax (don't ask me, its a rich people thing). No matter how much you save up from your mowing lawns and other unregulated, non-minimum wage jobs, your children can inherit it all. More important, children of the rich can inherit every honest untaxed penny their parents have earned. Then they will be able to create more jobs for the rest of us.

What a wonderful place America will be,
Filled with Love and Liberty,
Vote for Paul Ryan and Romney too,
Vote for Jobs, red white and blue.