Let it be recorded by good and faithful scribes that the inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama as President of the United States was accompanied by many natural marvels. Let this confirm that a new era of peace and justice is dawning on the world.
In California, south of San Jose, three small earthquakes the night before the inauguration heralded the coming of the new day.
In Point Arena, California, at the break of day, a hiker found that two Point Arena Mountain Beaver had constructed an eight-foot tall pyramid of wood and gravel. The pyramid was perfectly aligned on east to west lines.
In the war-torn region of the eastern Congo, the Sun flashed green before rising for the day.
Texas, not to be outdone, reported that thousands of rattlesnakes near Houston gathered and shook their rattles in time while a mockingbird chorus sang "Midnight Special."
At a toxic waste site near Birmingham, being cleaned up at tax-payer expense, for the first time in 20 years a flower bloomed.
In Pittsburgh an entire neighborhood reported that they heard no noise when the garbage was collected, and so got a full nights sleep.
In Bulgaria a stream changed its course, revealing a pure gold, probably pre-roman statue of Venus with the face of Hillary Clinton.
In the remote village of Tlaxiaco, Mexico, a tortilla being prepared for breakfast was discovered to have browning marks that suggested Barack Obama's profile.
Two scientists surveying coral bleaching in the reefs of Micronesia reported that living coral was found to have resurrected itself.
Scientists at NASA, studying automated satellite data, reported that the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere began to fall at precisely noon, Eastern Standard Time.
Other natural marvels have been reported, but not yet confirmed.
Let any person in the future who refuses to believe these eye witness testimonies be thrown into the dark halls of despair and hopelessness.